Other things that should be banned in Texas

Via Crooked Timber, I read this post on Pharyngula about what's happening on the Texas Board of Education. In addition to evolution, they are trying to ban references to overpopulation, global warming, pollution, and the phrase "marriage partners," because it might suggest gay marriage.

Forget Canada. At this rate, even Pakistan, with its ban on food on weddings, and its infamous Hudood Ordinance, is beginning to seem better.

But I still think the goals of the Terri Leo et al. are a little too small. They should also ban:

1. Reference to clouds or cloudiness, because they suggest that Jesus doesn't love us completely unambiguously.
2. The color red, except as a stamp to be sewn onto the garments of adulterers.
3. Any herbs that could potentially be used in support of witchcraft.
4. Helmets, because God made our heads unprotected, and that's how they should stay.
5. The future, because Armageddon is right around the corner.
6. The past, because there was a time when teachers in Texas actually said the word "pollution" in a science class, and this was a dark time that should be erased.
6. Any literature other than the King James Bible and Tim Lehaye's Left Behind series, which is just as good as the Bible.
7. Desperate Housewives, because, though they haven't watched it, the title of the show suggests that heterosexual marriages may not always be cauldrons of divine bliss. (Oh wait, Sinclair has already banned it.)
8. Human Nudity, even in private. Even the thought of it is just too dang tempting.
9. The Da Vinci Code, because a) Leonardo Da Vinci was a likely homosexual, and b) books written about paintings by people who were homosexuals shouldn't sell more copies than the Bible.

Feel free to add others. I will be sending a comprehensive list to Terri Leo of my demands shortly.


Loretta said...

Any reference to "carbs" must also be banned. It is usually the first sign of an incipient gay wedding.

jimvj said...

And yet, the vast majority of people will continue to venerate religions and religiosity. The consensus is that we just need to interpret religions liberally, and disregard their underlying barbaric, tribal, and primitive mindset.

We are not to take in vain the name of a god who slaughtered the first-born of an entire nation; who prescribed a weeklong quarantine for all menstruating women. And that's just one god for starters. Other gods, other obscenities. But venerate these humanly constructed monstrosities we must, we are constantly reminded.

Humans must evolve to where they can look at tribal, barbaric belief systems and call them for what they are. Till then perverse absurdities, such as the ones being mocked here, will be ever present.

electrostani said...

Actually, my post wasn't directed against traditional religious practices as such. One might have one's issues with those things, but I generally leave them to the religious communities themselves to figure out (as long as human rights aren't being violated).

Rather, the point of my parody was to highlight the ways in which a religious authorian mindset seems to be extending itself outside of the arena of the strictly religious world. Today's religious right wants to dictate its own terms on ideas (like the idea of 'overpopulation') that have only a flimsy connection to specific theology or religious practices.

To put it simply: I'm not mocking religion, I'm mocking its absurd over-extension into areas where it has little proper puchase.

jimvj said...

You said: "To put it simply: I'm not mocking religion, I'm mocking its absurd over-extension into areas where it has little proper puchase."

Do you think Falwell, Robertson, Dobson and their ilk consider any aspect of society to be an over-extension for their primitive god/religion?

Mocking the root of their belief system - because the bible really teems with obscenities - is the only defense at my disposal. More people should be made aware of what barbarities are passed off (or glossed over) as "god's work" in the Bible.

Not doing this is to give silent assent to the worldview and aspirations of the Dobsons et al.

Note that I am NOT denying anyone the right to believe in any god they choose - no matter how barbaric. I am being honest in calling their religion for what it is - sans the usual whitewash.