Other things that should be banned in Texas

Via Crooked Timber, I read this post on Pharyngula about what's happening on the Texas Board of Education. In addition to evolution, they are trying to ban references to overpopulation, global warming, pollution, and the phrase "marriage partners," because it might suggest gay marriage.

Forget Canada. At this rate, even Pakistan, with its ban on food on weddings, and its infamous Hudood Ordinance, is beginning to seem better.

But I still think the goals of the Terri Leo et al. are a little too small. They should also ban:

1. Reference to clouds or cloudiness, because they suggest that Jesus doesn't love us completely unambiguously.
2. The color red, except as a stamp to be sewn onto the garments of adulterers.
3. Any herbs that could potentially be used in support of witchcraft.
4. Helmets, because God made our heads unprotected, and that's how they should stay.
5. The future, because Armageddon is right around the corner.
6. The past, because there was a time when teachers in Texas actually said the word "pollution" in a science class, and this was a dark time that should be erased.
6. Any literature other than the King James Bible and Tim Lehaye's Left Behind series, which is just as good as the Bible.
7. Desperate Housewives, because, though they haven't watched it, the title of the show suggests that heterosexual marriages may not always be cauldrons of divine bliss. (Oh wait, Sinclair has already banned it.)
8. Human Nudity, even in private. Even the thought of it is just too dang tempting.
9. The Da Vinci Code, because a) Leonardo Da Vinci was a likely homosexual, and b) books written about paintings by people who were homosexuals shouldn't sell more copies than the Bible.

Feel free to add others. I will be sending a comprehensive list to Terri Leo of my demands shortly.